We are going to keep doing this until we get it wrong

Let's talk rehearsals, shall we?

I am an actor / director, I understand the need for rehearsals. Rehearsals are designed to indoctrinate a cast into doing something the way the director wants. A significant proportion of rehearsal time is spent in - not getting one's actors to do what you want them to do - but not look like little cardboard dolls while doing it.

Try saying the same line a thousand times - it very swiftly becomes trite and probably ceases to be true. It certainly doesn't sound real any more.

So, this is why I am puzzled - nay, seriously perplexed - by the concept of a wedding rehearsal.

A wedding is not something that can actually be got wrong - provided one avoids things such as colapsing spires, people saying "No" and the Rapture hitting and snatching only half the couple up. And, really, you can't legislate against those things - let alone pre-emptively escape them by rehearsals.

A wedding goes right provided the Priest does his bit and the couple do their's. And - without wishing to sound pretty arogant - neither of these jobs are exactly hard when one arrives at the altar. The Donatist heresy (and others) have proven that the bottom line for Priests is just that; a good Priest is far more, but a Priest is a man with ordination and a problem with his collar. All he has to do is remember the words and actions (which are written down) and the whole thing is licit.

What I am asking for here, essentially, is a literate Priest who can hold it together for about an hour and a half. Hardly unlikely to get it, am I?

Again, all that is being asked of myself and my bride to be is the ability to say "Yes" and "I do" on cue. And, let's be fair, those are not complex responses.

What I am driving at here, is that the concept of "getting it right" seems rather to suggest there is something that is right that can be got wrong. Or, to put it in the form of a question which is not the one you are asking (namely, "WTF?");

What do you think we are here to do?

While I am exceedingly grateful that people are coming from half-way around the country to see me get married, and I wouldn't change the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony for the world, everyone has to realise that the important thing is not the service - but rather the Sacrament.

Which is - to be perfectly honest - not something that can be messed up.

So, why do I have to rehearse?

Rehearsals are for things where the form is more important than the function, surely - a situation where one has to get the outward signs exactly right to a degree unknown elsewhere. Certainly, the concept of a rehearsal is never used when it is important to actually see what does happen.

Can you imagine, for example, rehearsing the wedding night? That would be - officially - called fornication. Not wishing to draw parallels or cast stones, but I leave it hanging the in the air as something I am certainly not comfortable with.

The purpose of the rehearsal (of which Liza has spoken) appears to be to make sure people know where to stand . . .

Hmm - can't we just tell them? Nudge them subtly into place?

Rehearsals. Yuck. It implies I can't get it right first time which - when one can't get it wrong at all - rather implies that a point has been missed.

(We are having soup and sandwiches after the rehearsal, we think that is clearly a good idea. Hands up if you don't like soup . . . .)

- Darknight