I'm With The Band

Okay, so, this requires a bit of explanation.

The only occupation protected by the United States Constitution is the press - they get "freedom". Or, rather, it is assumed that they have freedom, as their freedom may not be infringed by Congress. Congress, as we all know, is a bicameral House which seeks re-election.

Anyway, in order to be counted as a member of the press you need . . . . a Press Pass. Now, you might think that this is something which would be carefully controlled by the State or Federal Governments. And you would be totally wrong.

No, all you need to do is just have a press card and say "ME AM REPORTER!" to anyone who asks. Yeah, seriously - say this and suddenly you are press and your freedoms aren't restricted. You can get into any parties where people are foolish enough to think that "My Mum's Press Corps" is a legitimate organization, and where there might be celebrities. You can also possibly try to score free coffee, and maybe even pick up chicks with it.

So, what press organizations do is produce their own press cards. And that's it - nothing more. No forms to fill out, no reports to file, no payments to make. Just print a card, laminate it, hang it around your neck on a lanyard - and you too can be a reporter.

I am totally a reporter. Look, I have a card and everything.



As we can clearly see, I am just awesome.

This card was designed by my colleage Julie, who based it on a press card issued by Fox 2 Detroit back in 2001 to our cameraman / editor Dave. Now, remember, the picture you are about to see was taken in 2001.



Hey, Dave - the '70s called; they want their 'tache back. In fact, the last time I saw a 'tache like that, it belonged to a guy fixing a girl's fridge.

Fnar-fnar.