Cripes, John!

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) - running for President of the United States of America against Sen. Barak Obama (D-IL) - today announced who would be his Vice Presidential pick competing against Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) for that position. His pick was Gov. Sarah Palin (H-OT)*.

Seriously - take a look at her. Five kids, self-confessed hockey mom, 44 years old, absolute total fox.



I'm not entirely sure what it is - maybe it's the little square glasses? The sharp suits and the pinned up, efficient hair? Maybe it's the fact she can melt titanium from across the room? I dunno. She's damn cute.

Which sort of brings me to the point of my post. No, it wasn't to just highlight the fact that Gov. Palin is a real yummy-mummy (although she clearly is). This blog isn't about that - I'm married and my wife is far cuter than Gov. Palin**. And she's married too. And unless we do some kind of press conference with her, I'm not going to meet her (and, let's be fair, I'm going to have better questions than "Why are you so damn cute?" if we do).

No, this is about Sen. McCain. Damn, John! How do you do this? You are constantly surrounded by foxes (and Fox, as well, but it's the foxes which concern me now). Your first wife was a swimwear model, Cindy McCain is still pretty hot (and was just superfoxbabeschwing! in her youth) and she owns a brewery company (unless she snores, she's getting pretty close to perfect there). And, although you obviously don't look at her in that way, Megan McCain is awful pretty.

How do you manage this? Come January 2009, is the White House going to have a greater concentration of beautiful women than the Playboy Mansion? Are you going to appoint Judge Marilyn Milian to the Supreme Court?

And, let's compare the two campaigns, shall we? Mrs Biden is - and I am being charitable - homely. HRC (who I think I have to include in the campaign) is pretty scary in certain lights, and Chelsea is . . . well, her mouth and smile make her look like she wants to eat something in a single bite. Like, for example, the Bill of Rights.

Michelle Obama is very pretty, I'll give her that - but the fact remains she is always doing that little fist-bump thing. And whenever I see that, I think ghetto-rap-music or some kind of 50 Cent video or something. And then the whole thing falls apart, because - and all women should learn this - when I am made to think of women as being "my bitches" or "my hos" or something equally degrading (as those videos always do) they cease to be attractive. I don't care if you look like Beyonce Knowles' better-looking sister; you just ain't pretty no more.

Seriously, Michelle - have some respect for yourself. Drop the ghetto-chic. Please.

So, Obamanation - zero. Harem-McCain - about a billion and five.

It is these kind of thing which make a fellow believe in karma - get tortured in North Vietnam for five years, spend the rest of your life surrounded by beautiful women? Or is this just the natural result of being a real hunk in your youth?



Ladies and gentlemen; our next President. A hero, a hunk, a man who attracts beautiful women like Barak Obama attracts questions about his associations with terrorists who got off on procedural errors.

Hail to the Chief, baby . . .

* You will notice that I did not make a joke based on R-A(c)K; as that would be crass and unkind.

** Merely to prove that my wife is more beautiful than the stunning Gov. Palin, here is an entirely gratuitous and equally Republican picture of her.



Liza outshot the State champion, there. She and Gov. Palin would probably get on really well. Actually, considering Sen. McCain's ability to surround himself with beautiful women, I suspect Liza might be Secretary of Defence come the new year. Unless John appoints JoAnne Galloway to the position. It wouldn't be the first time a character created by Aaron Sorkin was in the Executive Branch of the Federal Government.

Here is another picture of my wife, being hawt.



Both she and Gov. Palin are the same age, give or take a few months. So is Monica Bellucci, another woman who is hot as suns are hot. Ladies, learn this - you don't need to be under 30 (or even under 40) in order to be beautiful.