Plans, you just can't plan them

Good thing I didn't write this yesterday. It's not been easy for me to get to where I am right now. It was a very long (and hot) night of thinking about this and how I will choose to handle it. I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday, still am a bit, but it's my nature to beat myself up from time to time. But Simon said so many things last night that make so much sense to me, and help to put this into perspective. We are indeed so very blessed in our lives. We have never known suffering or loss to any great extent. We have good jobs, we have homes, we have family and friends. We have each other. In spite of this set back, we still have each other. We will be together again, and eventually for the rest of our lives.

I have thought about whether or not all this is worth it. Is it really worth all the time, distance, money, stress, having to move away from home and family and country? Then I hear his voice. And I am reminded again why I love him so very much. And I realize that it's all worth it, he's worth it- and then some. "When love calls your name, there's no saying no, you follow your heart....to the ends of the earth."

Since I first met Simon, I've been very conscious about giving this whole thing up to God and letting Him handle it. I've managed to screw things up in the past, so I figured I'd let a professional handle my life this time. He's done a pretty good job so far. I have to remember this and accept that whatever happens to us is happening for a reason. Doesn't mean I understand the reason or even that I like it. But it all comes down to trust and faith. Simon signs all his posts on our message board with the closing: Deus Vult. It is Latin for "God Wills It". Not long after we met I had a silver heart engraved with this and I wear it around my neck, every day. It is there to remind me that no matter what happens, God wills it. Good or bad, whether I like it or not, God wills it. Simon reminded me of this yesterday.

He will be my better half, he already is.

~Liza