Monday, September 08, 2008

A few little-known facts ...

... about Sarah Palin.

(I found these on a Catholic audio blog website, and that author got them from somewhere else. I am honest about attribution.)

  • Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
  • Sarah Palin could not find a good man, so her husband was constructed from the DNA of Washington, Lee, and Genghis Khan.
  • Sarah Palin will send Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.
  • Sarah Palin is on loan from the Justice League.
  • NFL teams may draft Sarah Palin, if they forfeit all their other players forever, to maintain league parity.
  • Iran’s nuclear program is a response to Sarah Palin.
  • We don’t know who would win in a Chuck Norris - Sarah Palin cage match because they’ve never invented a cage that can hold Sarah Palin.
  • Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even before she was born that Sarah Palin would never finish last.
  • Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does - usually with her bare hands.
  • Three of Sarah Palin’s five kids came out sideways - she never flinched.
  • Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
  • It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.
  • Sarah Palin knows the location of DB Cooper’s body because she threw him from the plane.
  • The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eyes.
  • Sarah Palin used to wrestle kodiak bears in Alaskan bare knuckles fight clubs.
  • Sarah Palin once bagged a caribou by staring it down until it died.
  • Sarah Palin turned down a job as skipper of a Deadliest Catch boat because it wasn’t challenging enough
  • Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.
  • Sarah Palin once guided Santa’s sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.
  • Without her glasses, looking deep into Sarah Palin’s eyes will blind you with the beauty of the tundra sun.
  • Sarah Palin would have won Miss Alaska, but she forgot to clean off the polar-bear blood.
  • Sarah Palin wants to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, but to save time, she's going to let oil companies do it for her.

Inspired by this, I have made some wallpapers (click on the images to download the full-scale version - these images are wide-screen proportions, as that is what I use on my awesome PC, Shaak Ti, who is about as cool and sexy as Sarah Palin).

Liza is doubtless going to want some kind of Robert Downey Jr. wallpapers and post here in the not-too-distant future, but that's okay because he is i) conservative ii) good-looking in a non-feminine way that guys can admire without seeming to be in any way homosexual and iii) in Ironman and The Incredible Hulk. All of these clealy make him just seven kinds of awesome.

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