The Coming of the Madness

I don't claim to be the greatest man in the world (well, okay, I do - I have quoted Johnny with the fiddle more than once) - mainly because I know I could never be as good as my colleague Sadeer Farjo, a man who has so many websites that Google actually recognizes his name as a common search! Sadeer, the handsomest man in the world! All of your camel are belong to Sadeer!

However, I do claim to be better than some. Specifically, with reference to fanfiction. Many people wonder why I write fanfic, thinking the whole thing sad and geeky and so forth. Well, yeah, it is geeky. And my stuff is very geeky - I have loads of webpages devoted to it and hours and hours of work on it. Check them out if you don't believe me - and check out the article I was interviewed for.

Anyway, the general quality level of fanfic is usually against those of us who engage in fanfic. I am not about here to defend the practice - my friend Mercury Gray is better suited to do that, frankly; she is working on a piece of work about the origins of the art form, I think. No, the purpose of this post is to state that, yes, indeed, most fanfic is just awful.

No, it is. Although the group of fanfic authors that I am a member of are truly awesome, they are the small congregation of candles in an otherwise dark universe. Most fanfic is not just bad, it actually warps the fabric of space-time with its dreadful lack of anything even approaching normalcy. Practically every single person who writes fanfic should never be let near a pen, or a piece of paper. In fact, they should be kept away from flat surfaces and anything that might make a mark thereon, in the vain hope that their insanity will not be committed to posterity and thus infect the fertile and fragile minds of those who read it. In centuries to come, archaeologists will run screaming from ancient ruins, having scraped away the detritus of the centuries to reveal the dark and hideous characters that spell the dreadful legend "But hary luvd hermyonee so much that he just had 2 kiss her".

In the future, exhibitionist English duchesses in Daisy Duke shorts and with figures more incomprehensible that $700 billion Wall Street bailout will be bound tightly with straight-jackets in psycho-wards after reading what the careless and uncaring purveyors of fanfiction called "authors" have posted on FanFiction.net, the fingers that they themselves have gnawed down to the knuckles shackled lest they bestow some hideous wound upon their faces twisted with the unrelenting fracture of their minds.

And the word will end in a tide of blood and madness, and Jesus Christ will descend from the Heavens in glory and say "My dad is going to be so ticked off with you people, I can't even begin to tell you."

It will be bad.

The simple fact is that most fanfic is everything that you have been told, and worse. Ours, of course, is not - and I urge you to check it out.

But I also urge you to check out this.

This is truly awesome, and it is a sign that God can make good of all things. And that Cath can make good of bad fanfic. I am not sure which is more impressive, but God's creation of the entire universe from nothing does give Him a certain advantage.

Cath (purveyor of fine baked goods whilst dressed as a belly-dancing Chocobo) has produced the following video, based upon this awful genuine and genuinely awful fanfic. And when I say awful, I don't mean it causes awe - I mean when I read it I am unmanned and void my bowels, claw out my own eyes and call for my mother to make the pain stop. Preferably with some kind of large caliber round.

Click here for the unending madness which, even yet, ends in the middle of what the author might refer to as a sentence if she had heard of the linguistic concept, even if only by reputation

And below can be found the video in question, a dramatic reading of the piece which makes no concessions and pulls no punches. This is the maw of madness, unfiltered through a lens and presented to you raw and bleeding, torn from the walls of a cathedral made entirely of screaming mouths and filled with the bright buzzing of a trillion wailing crystal bees. The light that streams into this place is nothing more than the venom of a thousand scorpions and the screams of the damned. It merely casts shadows, it does not illuminate.

Cath has brought his insanity to us. She has delved into the hideous holocaust where reality is merely the plaything of capricious dark gods to whom time is as a ball of yarn and causality is a bauble of tawdry nothingness. She has delved into the blackness of a night so devoid of light that it burns and a chill realm of endless fire that rends flesh like air. She has done, this, and brought this piece back unto us. For this, she deserves our endless adulation and thanks. She has endured that which is simple destruction to lesser people.

One day, the author of this piece of fiction, the woman by the name of Laura, will return to the earth in her new form, and she will open one of her six mouths as tears of burning pitch stream down her face. And then she will sing the song that will end the universe.

There is no escape. I have seen Armageddon, and it asks for reviews.

Update!

I apologise for the lack of a less prosaic title for this blog post, but, hey, if you wanted originality you wouldn't come here.

Or would you?

That doesn't mean anything, by the way, it's just a cheap trick to get some kind of suspense. And it fails.

Anyway, what have we been doing recently?

Well, Liza has a new project - it is complex, and that complexity is added to by the simple fact I don't understand what she does for a living. She is a project manager. She manages projects. Beyond the parsing of her title, I cannot comment on her actual day-to-day employment.

We have also been doing a lot of grilling on our mega grill, which is clearly awesome as discussed elsewhere in this fine blog. But, as sundown comes earlier owing to the tilt of our planet taking out continent further away from the ball of fire our world orbits!!! it gets dark quicker. And it is difficult to grill in the dark. And the light from the grill itself is not brilliant to grill by. And our little driveway security light which comes on automatically is broken.

Drat. People are going to come and burgle us now. My house is defended by armed guards from Sarah Palin Securities Inc. And you have no way of checking to see if that is true or not except by coming around and risking getting shot.

Remember; unlike other VPs, if Sarah Palin shoots you, it's 'cause she was aiming for you.

So, in order to grill at night, I have made use of this fine present purchased by my mother in law (I believe) for Christmas. At the time, I was wondering "What the Hell am I going to do with this damn thing? Do I look like a miner or some sort of cartoon mole?" But, it is ideal for night grilling.

Am I not the finest man in the world with this thing on my head?

Secondly, Liza and I went to the Michigan Renaissance Festival, and swanned about in our costumes. Last year, we purchased Liza's truly gorgeous costume from the fine people at Pendragon Costumes - and I also purchased myself a sort of jacket / doublet thing with this green oak leaf design on. Really very very nice they were.

Actually, there is a whole conversation here about this, and one which really defines the type of people that Liza and I are (not as a group, you understand, but rather as individuals). As related elsewhere, Liza's shopping habits do not make sense to the average male. However, I believe that they are common to many women, and so practically everyone who reads this will understand where I am coming from here.

We walked around the ren faire in Holly, MI, last year (around our anniversary) and looked at all the pretty stuff and all the nice people dressed in their ren costumes (and all the somewhat trashy women half-dressed in dresses scooped stupidly low and the middle-aged women with the bingo wings dressed as Xena. Seriously, ladies - there are many sort of ren costume which will make you look good - and lots of them will give you an opportunity to show off your figure and show that you still "have it". But those costumes are not basically swimsuits made of leather or bikinis made of chainmail. There are very few women over 40 who look good in swimsuits when they are just sauntering around. Even the teenagers dressed in those things look, frankly, slutty. It works on a major Saturday afternoon TV series detailing the adventures of a vaguely-subtle lesbian and her Girl-Friday, but not in Michigan in the Fall when surrounded by the vacationing crowd drinking Bud and stroking their beer guts. Frankly, girls, what are you trying to accomplish? Ah - I see. Well, you accomplished it).

It's 3 PM at the Michigan Renaissance Festival; do you know where your self-respect is?

So, anyway - Liza and I walked around the ren faire last year and saw the pretty costumes. And we walked into the Pendragon Costume shop and they had this gorgeous red and gold dress on a mannequin. Called it the "Anne Boleyn" or something similar (it did lack a head, I suppose). So, Liza goes all "Ooooh!" and "Ahhhh!" over this dress, and the lady assistant at the shop asks her if she would like to try it on. So, Liza and lady and the dress go into the changing room to try said dress on (try the dress on Liza, that is - not the two of them. We didn't see that costume at the faire).

Time out here; is there some major disconnect between the genders regarding what it is acceptable to do in a shop, or is it just between me and Liza? Basically, Liza seems to think it is okay to go somewhere and try on clothes without any intention of buying stuff. In fact, she will actually declare her intention to do so prior to engaging in the trying on of clothes. I personally think that if you are going to try something on, you should at least be thinking of buying something. Shops are businesses, not your dress-up trunk, you know.

Anyway, Liza and lady go into small curtained room to get dress in. I ask chap called Ian who runs the shop "How much does that dress run at?" and he tells me an entirely ludicrous figure (not Liza's figure is ludicrous - that would be the figures of the girls dressed as Conanne the Barbarianne). I say to the fellow, "Right, I'll take it." "But you haven't even seen her in it!" he exclaims.

"Ah, no," I explain, "it works like this. Liza will love the dress, and she will come out and be all impressed with it. And she will then uhm and ahh about it, and eventually decide - regretfully - that she cannot afford it. And she will leave, and walk around for a while, and come back and look at it again, and touch it, and coo over it, and then leave the festival without having bought it. And in a week's time she will regret it, and it will just be terrible. I am not going through that crap. I will buy the dress, she will complain and say we can't afford it, I will ignore her blandishments as not being grounded in any sort of reality, and she will be happier in the long run. Ring the damn thing up."

So, Liza comes out the dressing room, looks at herself in the mirror, and promptly bursts into tears as she sees herself. I then say "Let's get the dress" and Liza is all "NOOOOOO!" like Darth Vader when told he's just killed Padme.

So, I felt kind of vindicated there.

Anyway, back to this year's trip to the ren faire. We return to Pendragon Costumes with the intention of purchasing me some fine clothes to go with the jacket / doublet which I purchased the year before. And we also ask about boots which can be worn on the feet and which will make one look pimp. Nice man Ian (who is still there, it seems) directs us to Son of Sandlar which sells boots. I purchase boots. I purchase trousers and leather strappy things and a shirt. I purchase a hat so awesome the gods will notice us again!

Are we not pimp?

In addition to this frivolous use of money, we also added to the Hodge family with Hugebeast. Hugebeast is from Squishable.com, a place which sells 'normous round squishable critters. Hugebeast scared the stuffing out of Baby Kitty -she was all puffed up and absolutely terrified of him. Which was really funny, as Baby Kitty is normally very brave and so forth. Anyway, Hugebeast - 15 inches of 'normous squishable Hodge.

Hugebeast lives on cashews and root beer, and is currently living in the office with myself and Julie. He is very sweet, but he is a bit of a doofus.

Oh, noes!

By tracking the progress of my wang, so to speak, I have discovered that it has increased by 1.40%.

I have also disovered that my wang is defined as "foreign small".

I've gone right off financial advisors.

What I Don't Understand

Actually, there are many things I don't understand. Thing such as astrophysics - I understand that there are planets, and that they are large, and that they move. But beyond that it's all a bit complex.

I don't understand international economics, nor indeed how the price of oil can rise so very fast when the West buys most of it. Just refuse to pay that much - what's going to happen? It's a sort of fixed system, isn't it?

But my lack of understanding does not manifest itself in the belief that whatever I do not understand is easy to do, nor the idea that my lack of understanding shows that people are just too stupid because they do actually understand - or admit they don't understand, and yet say that there is something to understand.

Alright, that's complex - I don't expect you to understand that (I'm not sure I understand it myself). But, let me break it down - there appears to be a class of persons who fail to understand how something might work (let's say; government). They don't get it, they don't grasp (as another example) the electoral college. However, instead of saying, "Well, I don't get it - but it must make some kind of logical sense!" they seem to deny all sense of reason and scream "CONSPIRACY!"

Thus, when faced with the fact that the President might not be the person who actually won the popular vote, they don't admit that there are reasons for this which lie beyond their comprehension - but rather state that the reasons are well within their comprehension, are ludicrously simple, and that anyone offering a more complex solution is clearly dumb as a post, and gullible.

Example one; the Moon landings. This over-application of Occam's Razor states that "they are hoaxes!" Why? Because photographs taken on the Moon don't look like we think they should - light reflects oddly, or the stars aren't visible. The idiot who doesn't understand space (which is, let's be fair, most of us - I understand space as The Stuff Which Stays The Hell Away From Us Because It Is Scared That Sarah Palin Will Beat It Up (Which Is Why There Is So Much Of It) - space is complex) says "Well, I know that is not what it would look like on Earth! I can see the stars, why can't I see them there?"

The logical and truthful answer is .... actually, I don't really know. I don't understand why you can't see the stars in those moon landing photographs. But I don't claim my ignorance as some sort of badge of ability to see through flim-flam. I understand that there are things that exist beyond my understanding.

(A paraphrase of Socrates, there.)

Anyway, this is a sidebar. Or a tangent. My main point is not to discuss the act of not understanding, but a particular thing I don't understand.

Recently, I asked our PR company (this is the corporate "our", not the matrimonial "our") what the feedback was regarding our new news program - was it too biased? Or, rather, was the fact it was slightly to the right of Fox an issue? The answer I got back was instructive - and educational, from a woman who understands stuff.

"Well, it's a issue with the people who don't like that viewpoint, I guess. But most people understand than you condemn Sen. Obama for his pro-choice views because you are Catholic and Catholics condemn abortion."

The woman who wrote this is not, as far as I know, Catholic. She was also the woman who came up with this wonderful summation of lapsed / fallen-away / cultural Catholics;

Catholics who hold non-Catholic views

Awesome! That is, frankly, the best description EVER! This woman gets it - she understands perfectly what this is about. There are positions held by the Catholic Church on a wide variety of issues and that Catholics have to subscribe to those positions in order to be Catholic. If you don't, then you aren't really Catholic.

She gets this - others ... don't seem to. And that is what I don't understand?

How can someone who claims to be Catholic honestly support Sen. Obama for President - especially when said claiming-Catholic says that "abortion should be illegal"? Sen. Obama has said that his first act will be to make abortion even more legal. And yet, I encounter these people every single day.

How can someone who claims to be Catholic and who quotes from the catechism to me (proving that he has read it) deny the centrality of the Eucharist, instead choosing to elevate the decalogue and advance an almost sola scriptura point of view? How does this work?

It is this that I do not understand - I understand perfectly that there are those who do not follow a particular viewpoint, and I do not expect them to agree. But what of those whose very positions are logically inconsistent with their professed opinions and views?

Someone who says that abortion should be illegal should not, in a rational and sensible universe, be voting or supporting or even thinking of doing so for Sen. Obama. It defies rational sense to do so.

And yet people do.

I think I will have to do what I despise in others - seek a simpler solution. These people are either hypocritical liars, or very stupid, or both.

In fact, I think my simple solution is just fine. People are simply trying to have their cake and eat it.

I think I understand this now.

So there's this dude, right . . .

. . . and he is my financial advisor. He advises me. Financially.

I often wondered about that, in the halcyon days before I had some dude who advised me financially. The question came darting into my brain from a strange place, "What exactly would he advise me about?" I mean, financial advice - let's break it down here into two essential points;

1) Spend less and
2) Earn more

That's kind of it. Before I met this dude, my limit of financial advice was dispensed - like some kind of robotic, Hajime Sorayama-esqe fortune cookie - via ATMs. Whenever I would withdraw money from them, it would ask me if I wanted an "Advice Slip". I wondered what this would be like - would it read;

YOUR BALANCE IS 34.25

YOU MAY WITHDRAW 34.25
DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS

?

I'm not sure - perhaps it should have done.

Anyway, financial advice. My dude is called James Weeks and he works for Ameriprise Financial. These people are clearly awesome in every single respect, and James really knows what is going on. He also appears to be impressed by Sarah Palin, which shows that he is a man of taste and discretion.

Today I met with James and examined my investments. Yeah, I have investments. Don't ask me what they are - it's some kind of combined life insurance / savings account / retirement package. I don't understand this stuff. Apparently, it means I can retire before I die. And if I die before I retire, I still get the money. Or, someone does. My wife, I think.

(Memo to self : offer cat samples of food before eating.)

Anyway, I have this "portfolio" or whatever it is called. It is a breakdown of the places where my (at this stage meagre) investments are going. Rather than put all my eggs in one basket, as it were, my investments are divided up among about thirty different funds and companies and so forth. So each one has about $2.73 in it.

I was examining this list of investments, and one of them is called Wanger International! And another is called Wanger USA! I cannot begin to describe the awesomeness of this.

I have no idea what Wanger International and Wanger USA do - obviously, the world is not so cool and awesome that these are companies who wang. A wanger would obviously be "one who wangs". What that means, precisely, I don't know - but the tendency of the Americans to make verbs out of nouns would suggest that "to wang" would be "to do whatever one does with a wang". And the mere suggestion that I have funds invested in such a company is clearly awesome.

One can even track the progress of my wang, as it were. One can track it in real time, which I think is a scrutiny I am not sure I would want to subject it to under normal circumstances. But, this is the internet.

At this stage (9th Sept 2008 2229hrs EST) it appears that Wanger International has fallen by 3.96%. I have no idea what that means, other than it doesn't sound good. Perhaps the market for wanging has bottomed out? Has the wanger market softened? Has the flow from Wanger dwindled to a trickle?

Can I make more wang jokes? Perhaps - but it's getting late. 'Night, John-boy.

The reaction was precisely what I expected ...

Okay, so, as all men of learning know, I was recently made a post concerning facts about Sarah Palin and generated a couple of wallpapers. In that post, I predicted that Liza would want wallpapers with Robert Downey Jr. on. In order to pre-empt such demands, I decided to start working on them right away.

And what does Liza do? She walks into the office while I am working on said graphics ... and proceeds to half-colapse in awe and admiration of the hawtness of Mr. Downey. Seriously - she's all falling over and that.

So, for Liza and the rest of you, here are the two newest wallpaper designs (click to get the full-size versions);

You can, of course, still get the Sarah Palin on her own ones too;

A few little-known facts ...

... about Sarah Palin.

(I found these on a Catholic audio blog website, and that author got them from somewhere else. I am honest about attribution.)

• Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
• Sarah Palin could not find a good man, so her husband was constructed from the DNA of Washington, Lee, and Genghis Khan.
• Sarah Palin will send Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.
• Sarah Palin is on loan from the Justice League.
• NFL teams may draft Sarah Palin, if they forfeit all their other players forever, to maintain league parity.
• Iran’s nuclear program is a response to Sarah Palin.
• We don’t know who would win in a Chuck Norris - Sarah Palin cage match because they’ve never invented a cage that can hold Sarah Palin.
• Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even before she was born that Sarah Palin would never finish last.
• Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does - usually with her bare hands.
• Three of Sarah Palin’s five kids came out sideways - she never flinched.
• Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
• It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.
• Sarah Palin knows the location of DB Cooper’s body because she threw him from the plane.
• The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eyes.
• Sarah Palin used to wrestle kodiak bears in Alaskan bare knuckles fight clubs.
• Sarah Palin once bagged a caribou by staring it down until it died.
• Sarah Palin turned down a job as skipper of a Deadliest Catch boat because it wasn’t challenging enough
• Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.
• Sarah Palin once guided Santa’s sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.
• Without her glasses, looking deep into Sarah Palin’s eyes will blind you with the beauty of the tundra sun.
• Sarah Palin would have won Miss Alaska, but she forgot to clean off the polar-bear blood.
• Sarah Palin wants to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, but to save time, she's going to let oil companies do it for her.

Inspired by this, I have made some wallpapers (click on the images to download the full-scale version - these images are wide-screen proportions, as that is what I use on my awesome PC, Shaak Ti, who is about as cool and sexy as Sarah Palin).

Liza is doubtless going to want some kind of Robert Downey Jr. wallpapers and post here in the not-too-distant future, but that's okay because he is i) conservative ii) good-looking in a non-feminine way that guys can admire without seeming to be in any way homosexual and iii) in Ironman and The Incredible Hulk. All of these clealy make him just seven kinds of awesome.

It Must Be True, I Saw It On TV

I have a healthy respect for infomercials. And you know that must be true because you read it on the internet (which, as all men of learning know, a series of tubes which was invented by Al Gore).

Seriously; why do we accept all this garbage we read on the internet or see on TV? While there are some seriously kick-ass infomercials out there containing nothing but truly awesome factoids which are entirely true (such as the following);



and this one



there are several which are just full of lies, falsehoods and outright flim-flam.

Fig One: the flim-flam merchant of today (no, not Barack Obama); Chef Tony;



Look at him - some kind of fat man in a costume with a suspect mustache. As mentioned elsewhere, the last time I saw a mustache like that it belonged to a man fixing the plumbing (fnar-fnar) of a girl with at least a gallon of silicone installed in her chest.

Everyone knows Chef Tony - and wishes they didn't. He is that fellow with the Miracle Blades which, while blades, are not miraculous. Allow me to compare and contrast a few things in order to showcase the difference between miraculous and not miraculous;

The Incarnation

Verdict? MIRACLE!

Barack Obama's Fatuous Speech to the 2004 DNC

Verdict? NOT A MIRACLE!

The Apparition of the Virgin Mary at Zeitun

Verdict? MIRACLE!

Chef Tony's 'Miracle' Knives

Verdict? NOT A MIRACLE!

Gov. Sarah "The Barracuda" Palin

Verdict? MIRACLE!

Okay - Chef Tony, your Miracle Knives are not miraculous. And you are not what you claim to be either. Neither are you a trustworthy fellow, oh prince of flim-flammery. Let's take a look at a few choice quotes from your Wikipedia page;

... Anthony "Chef Tony" Notaro is a successful infomercial pitchman. Notaro is not a chef as his nickname would suggest ...

... Notaro began his career in 1971 as a professional bum ...

... but relevant statistical evidence is not given that supports this claim ...

... a malfunction in the interlocking lid assembly ...

... putting users of the product at risk of lacerations and/or fingertip amputation ...

What the hey, "Chef" Tony? You aren't a chef. You worked as a "professional bum" (whiskey-tango-foxtrot?) You have no evidence to support what you say. You sell shoddy products - which might cut someone's fingers off.

(I realize the irony of relying on Wikipedia to give me information about someone who I am mocking for unreliable information. It is like of like the blind leading the blind, or some sort of weird, messed-up Escher painting. Like a jackass watching a jackass watching a jackass in front of a mirror. Forever.)

And "Chef" Tony produces garbage infomercials like this;



Right, Tony. Sure. Because I really need to cut a pineapple in half in mid-air. You know, only last week I was attacked by flying pineapples and I was thinking, "Damnit all - if only I had some kind of deadly knife with which I could cut these pineapples in half in mid-air, then I wouldn't be absolutely screwed right now. Oh, wait - no, I'm fine. Because they are just pineapples, and pineapples aren't really a credible threat. They're fruit."

You total asshat, "Chef" Tony.

What I don't get with these commercials is the utter stupidity and illogic inherent in them. If the Miracle Blade can cut through anything (including Ninja Leaping Pineapples), why aren't our forces in Iraq armed with them? Seriously, dudes. Drop Chuck Norris armed with a Miracle Blade on Falujah and just watch the fireworks.

Here is another question; if the Miracle Blade (as we are often shown) can slice through anything (such as the flank of a aircraft carrier) and then slice through a tomato without squishing it, why doesn't it go through the chopping board? Seriously, people - why doesn't it cut straight through the earth to the molten core of this planet and cause an eruption of magma which will destroy all life as we know it (except, of course, the Killer Ninja Flying Pineapples, because they can only be stopped by being cut in half in mid-air by a Miracle Blade).

In fact, pineapples. I want to take issue with you - you aren't an apple, and you aren't from a pine. I call you out on your lying. And there is nothing you can do about my calling you out - as I have a Miracle Blade. Leap at me! Leap at me, you pineapples! And come at me with your raspberries too!

"Chef" Tony has also made a product called "The Ultimate Chopper". I don't know about you, but I would not put any chopper belonging to a man with that mustache anywhere near my food. Maybe it's just a factor of the gradual erosion of innocence in our culture - we now live in a world where not only could Leave it to Beaver not air as people would find it dull, but the very title Leave it to Beaver would only be given to R-rated movies sold in brown-paper bags to men in dirty rain macs. When I was a kid, a chopper was a sort of bike. And all the kids wanted a big purple chopper.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Sarah Palin is no longer the sexiest thing in the world

Well, she is certainly among the top five sexiest women. And now you can see this in video via the new embedded player from RealCatholicTV.com which is, in fact, the sexiest thing in the world that isn't a Republican woman.

Or Monica Bellucci. I get the impression she would vote Democrat. But, our idols generally have feet of clay.

Here is the player, with a video featuring two stupidly good-looking people; Sarah Palin and my chum Vic Faust. Seriously, people - no-one should be that handsome. It's not fair.



Also featured in that video is Barack Obama, who is a jug-eared baby-killing freak who needs to sit down and shut up.

Hey, here's a game to play with your kids. "What does the cow say?" MOO! "What does the dog say?" WOOF! "What does Barack Obama say?" CHANGE!

Anyway, the above player is from RealCatholicTV.com which is the company I work for. And the embedded player now works. And, hence, all is right with the world.

Or it will be, on November 4th, when Sarah "Goddess in Human Form" Palin is Vice-President-elect. Oh, and John McCain is President-elect. But Sarah's the one to watch.

Palin '16! Or Palin '12, depending on how long John wants to stay at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for.

Anyway, check out RealCatholicTV.com - it's awesome and access is free!